Being Non-Judgemental

Being non-judgemental means that you don’t see something as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ , ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Instead, you just observe it or experience it; you don’t need to make any sense of a situation, your thoughts, feelings and actions or other people’s behaviour. When you’re being non-judgemental you simply experience things in an objective way; noticing, acknowledging and accepting things as they are, not as you think they should or shouldn’t be.

People are just people, events and situations are just events and situations, thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings. None of them are good, bad, right or wrong. They just are what they are.

Being non-judgemental doesn’t mean that you approve of things that go against your values. Instead, it means moving into a place of acceptance of what is. It is being aware that things are only good or bad, right or wrong if you choose to see them that way.

Imagine wearing a heavy pair of glasses. Imagine these glasses have thick, cracked, cloudy lenses that give a skewed, distorted view of yourself, other people and events. Now imagine taking off the glasses. Blink a few times, take a step back, and really see the world around you, unimpeded by judgement.

Do you judge other people? Do you judge what they say and what they do? Of course you do. We all do: we listen to what someone says - their thoughts, opinions and beliefs; we see something someone does -the way they live their life perhaps, or do their work; and if we don’t approve, understand or agree, instead of accepting, we judge and criticise.

It rarely occurs to us that the other person is simply viewing or managing a situation in a different way to us. But you can be more mindful; you can be more aware of when you’re being judgemental of other people. How? Well, if you think they’ve brought it on themselves or that they should change their ways, then you are judging them. If you are dismissive of a person’s opinions then you are being judgemental . If you talk disparagingly about them then you are being judgemental.

Remember a judgement you’ve made about someone else; perhaps you judged someone for their political or religious beliefs, the way they dressed, spoke or the way they did something, or the fact that they didn’t do something; their failings and foibles, weaknesses and weirdness. Did your judgement distance you from others or make you feel more connected?

You can practice viewing other people’s circumstances and choices with a non-judgemental mind; a beginner’s mind. Next time you read or listen - to the radio, TV or to an overheard conversation in public - and someone else’s opinion irritates you, think about giving them the benefit of the doubt. What could be a reasonable explanation for why they’ve done or said what they did?