It’s Valentine’s Day, and I am certain that our feeds will be filled with the beautiful reminders of appreciation that men and women alike are receiving from their other halves.
I want to be bitter about it, but I can’t. I’m single on Valentine’s Day, I am still experiencing pain from the breakup to a pretty huge extent… but I get it. I get that this happens every year and that in the grand scheme of things… It is just another day.
I haven’t lost hope on “love” just yet. I believe that it is attainable and that it can last, but I think we all need to get a little bit clearer on what it is we actually see “love” looking like.
I’ve only had two serious relationships and it appears that in both I have managed to experience two very opposite ends of the spectrum. I experienced love on a dangerously intense, but controlling level… and then I experienced love on an apathetic-you’re-a-great-mate-but-fuck-romance-level.
I realise now as I move through the processing of the most recent breakup that, actually, as much as I was very much in love with this man that I’ve bought a flat with, I was also very much in love with the illusion that this life was giving me. I have gone from feeling very much in control and “accomplished” and happy with where I’m at for the age of 25, to having it all shaken up and put under scrutiny.
I think when we are on the “dating scene” we need to really ask ourselves what it is we are seeking from a relationship. Is it actually to have the love, support, friendship of another… or is it something bigger than that? Are we actually just seeking an image of a lifestyle that we see being portrayed by our peers (yes, namely on IG)?
I totally hold my hands up and say that I, too, am guilty of portraying my “highlights” at the moment. I’m talking way more about my training for The Speed Project than I am about my mental health… and thats for good reason. I’m not entirely sure I am ready to talk about my mental health just yet.
I’ve chosen to not share with you the fact that I am still in fact sharing a bed and a flat with my ex-boyfriend (don’t worry, new bed arrives next week, hurrah!) and that I cried when I realised he was swiping away at bumble in the bed next to me.
Life is DIFFICULT. Relationships are DIFFICULT.
I just want this to be a reminder (amongst many other reminders too I hope) that life ain’t always what Insta portrays. The couple going out for that fancy dinner could be arguing when they get home about the state of the kitchen sink. We just won’t see it.
I’m very very very happy that I’ll get to spend my Valentines Day evening with main thing I actually truly LOVE right now – Run Talk Run.