A few weeks ago I had a clothing clear-out. This was long overdue, and to be quite frank, I was RUTHLESS. I adopted a “do I feel good wearing this” mentality… and as a result, a shocking 75% of my wardrobe was cleared within hours.
Whilst this dramatically limits my choice of clothing, I at least now know that whatever I choose to put on in the morning is going to make me feel GOOD.
This is the attitude I want to take into my late twenties.
In order to live/work/breathe/move as the very best me I need to give up all of the things that distract me from being the very best me. So here is what I am giving up.
1- I AM GIVING UP: TAKING ADVICE FROM “MEH” PEOPLE
Everyone has an opinion, and I’m the kinda polite girl who likes to hear people out when they share their opinion. This is ok. What is not ok, is when someone with a “meh” mentality to life and their career and their goals shares a CRITICISM against what I am doing, and I then absorb and reflect and dwell on said criticism.
I am giving that shit up. I resolve to only take advice from people who have been a success with “their thing” and who DO “their thing” well and often.
I have become an EXTRAORDINARILY big fan of “doers” recently. And so “doers” is who I will take advice from.
2- I AM GIVING UP: SAYING YES TO HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO DON’T MAKE ME FEEL GOOD
Sometimes, saying “no” to events that we know are going to make us feel shit is tough. Take family, for example. BUT, where I can say no, I am going to.
3- I AM GIVING UP: SAYING YES TO DOING THINGS THAT DON’T MAKE ME FEEL GOOD
OK, so I have already made a huge start on this. In march this year I went skiing for the first time and I was scared shitless. I’ll be completely honest… I hated 80% of my time on the slopes. I hated how cold it was, I hated the intense fear of falling (a fear which did not subside throughout the week), I hated the waves of nausea that passed through me as I stood at the top looking down. Anyway, with a few days left of the holiday spare, I said enough was enough and I simply stopped skiing. I decided to stay at the chalet, go for long walks, spend hours in the hot tub and sat in coffee shops reading… it was the most joyous part of the holiday by far. I stopped doing the thing that didn’t make me feel good, and replaced with things I KNOW make me feel good and damn, it was a LIFE-CHANGER. I’m gonna keep doing that shit.
One thing that needs more work in this department is “giving up getting drunk”. Because getting drunk categorically does not make me feel good. I realise that (if I am in high spirits beforehand – no pun intended) a cold beer is perfectly acceptable and I will continue ‘feeling good’. But I am going to give up getting drunk because getting drunk makes me feel shit and suicidal (not even sorry for TMI).
4- I AM GIVING UP: EATING LIKE A DICKHEAD
*this one comes with an ED trigger warning, skip if you like*
A hangover from bulimia. Sometimes I still eat like a dickhead.
I mean, who doesn’t eat like a dickhead every now and then? I’m pretty sure it’s not just BED sufferers and bulimics who binge.
Binging is actually a huge part of the fitness culture as well. Go on a massive cut and have a “cheat day”… or lose all your body fat within an inch of your life for a bikini comp only to gorge on Krispy Kremes and Five Guys after.
Anyway, stop ranting, Jess.
I am giving up bingeing. Or at least, consciously trying to give up bingeing. Just because I’m not throwing it up anymore doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me feel like poop.
5- I AM GIVING UP: COFFEES FROM THE TRAIN STATION
They always taste like shit, I know I can wait an extra 30 minutes until the office, and I’ve already spent close to £3 before the day has even begun. WHAT is that all about?!
6- I AM GIVING UP: MY IDENTITIES
OoOoOoOoH TOUGH ONE. I have Ro and Africa to thank for this plethora of wisdom that they have bestowed unto me. This concept of us being an individual “soul” first… before we are any of the other labels that we apply to ourselves, has rattled around in my brain since a rather enlightening Sanctus Talks a little while back.
See, we are so quick to jump to our catalogue of identities when we meet new people. Or even MORE so perhaps, when we meet old friends, even.
“I am a runner”
“I am an office manager”
“I am an anxiety sufferer”
“I am a mental health advocate”
“I am the Run Talk Run girl”
“I am George’s girlfriend”
Underneath all of those identities that we self-assign (or have society assign for us, which is even more fucked up), we have something inside us that is, just, well…. Us.
We use the identities (like the ones I listed above) to mask who we really are, sometimes. What we are is SO MUCH deeper than the assigned “category” of human. Trying to introduce myself as just “Jessica” will be a challenge, but I’m looking forward to it.
7- I AM GIVING UP: PLAYING MYSELF DOWN TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL BETTER
No, this doesn’t mean I’m about to have a ridiculously large ego and make other people look shit. I’m just going to give up feeling ASHAMED of what I am doing right out of fear that it will make other people look shit.
I have this strange sense of coming across as “braggy” when I talk about my running, my lifting, or about Run Talk Run, or about anything of importance to me. I apologise for how overexcited I get and I MUST GIVE THAT SHIT UP.
The excitement is there because running and weight lifting and RTR is what gives me life. Fuck being apologetic about that.
Fuck making excuses for WHY I can lift heavy … “oh it’s only because my boyfriend pushes me”… errrrrm Jess, where did I get that idea from! He does 1 out of 6 gym sessions with me a week, the rest is all me and my hard work!
Fuck making excuses for WHY I like to run … “oh it must just be in my genes to enjoy it” … errrrm, nope. You used it hate it when you were shit, remember?
Fuck making excuses for WHY RTR is developing so quickly. No I haven’t “just got lucky” with the gym venues… I worked my ass off to find somewhere willing to take us and I work hard to make sure we stay in those places too.
Allowing myself to shine gives other people permission to shine too. I must remember that.
8- I AM GIVING UP: CHEAP RAZORS
Does this even need an explanation?
So that’s a wrap I guess. Hello 25. Hello “late” 20s.
Here’s to giving up a tonne of stuff that doesn’t serve me, so I can bring into my life a tonne of stuff that does.