Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in? I did most days for my first 56-years.
I have just completed a solo 4-miler in cold, blustery and heavy rain. My aged running waterproof no longer does what it is supposed to do but it will last another few years yet. I won competition to trial 360TT waterproof trainers so my feet are the only bit of me feeling toasty. I sit here smiling; shivering but smiling.
There have been good, great and some exceptionally magnificent days. Principally even from my first memories my days have been filled with some form of trepidation, fear of failure or just not very enjoyable. Born to elderly working class parents the 5th of 5; my oldest sister is 81 and youngest brother 74 with another brother and sister in between. The relevance of this is it was like having 3 Mums and 3 Dads and I didn’t quite know where fitted in. Soon after Nephews and Nieces began to arrive, which created even more confusion.
Back in early 1960’s East London Dad worked hard and pooled with contributions from my siblings the family began to accumulate possessions. Fiat 500 (The original), running hot water and Colour TV. Back at that time the Toilet was a damp outbuilding in the back garden and a bath of Tin brought in from outside shared by one and all. I was usually last in and occasionally that was with the dog.
I’m guessing my family wanted me to have more so they all bought me toys in abundance but the more I had the more I wanted. By the time of reaching seven I was strategically planning how I could get that must have next toy I really, really wanted; and usually did. On the rare occasion when I didn’t Teddy out of the pram would be an understatement, raw anger. To put this into context I was not asking for expensive items, in fact the cost was around £1.70 in today’s money. To me it was everything to achieve what I had schemed. I adored winning.
I also love sports, games exercise and being outdoors. Sadly genetically I have not been blessed with big muscles or any talent as an athlete. Junior school sports were an embarrassment; my kit was “hand me downs” just like everyone else except it was 18+ years older. I could not kick or catch a ball, cross country running was agony in worn out plimsolls and my swimwear was knitted; yes knitted. This pitiless fashion onslaught continued out-of-school and for my first 11-years rarely did anything fit or match. Fortuitously I could fight a bit and was not scared to.
So where do I fit in? I don’t and accept its okay competing to stay different. Next time running the road to possessions. Until then I leave you with quote by Warren Bennis “People who cannot invent and reinvent themselves must be content with borrowed postures, secondhand ideas, fitting in instead of standing out”.
Trevor Rawson is a self-employed Health Coach enjoying life in Norfolk. He has lots of bits of paper, awards and accolades. More importantly he uses his broad range of experience to support people towards improving their mental and physical health by activity and nutrition. Having used his own methodology to overcome General Anxiety Disorder and Depression he is pleased to share his unique story.